What goes up....must come down...

Sometimes it seems the more fun you have the worse the bad news is....

Last night was the Paramore/Relient K/Fun concert. It was amazing fun (lol). The lead singer of fun, Nate Ruess, was also the lead singer to The Format. The Format disbanded in 2008. Soon after Nate joined forces with Andrew Dost of Anthallo and Jack Antonoff of Steeltrain. Together they make fun (lol). "Calm Calm" is probably the song that is in my head right now. They are a pretty nifty indie pop band and you should check them out! Relient k came out next. I had read an interview with Matt T and he said that there was a good mix of new and old material. I was excited. It has been a LONG time since I heard them play their "old" stuff. The set consisted of 3 songs from 2 different albums and the rest from their newest album Forget and not slow down I like Forget and not slow down and they played my favorite songs from the album, Sahara and Therapy. The different songs were Be my escape and Must've done something right (which both are from Mhmm) and another from Two lefts don't make a right...but three do. They also covered a song by Cake called The distance. Where Matt T. and Ethan showed off their pretty amazing trumpeting skills. (My cousin Alexis was making fun of me the whole time during Rk set because I knew every song and which album they went to when it came up. As well as a whole bunch of other information.) I must say Paramore puts on a pretty good show. They interact with their fans, which I think is excellent. That made me like them a little bit more. For one song, Hayley picked a few fans from the front to join her on stage to sing and dance. I think that is pretty amazing of artists to do. To me, it shows that they do care about their fans and appreciate their support.

As the title says "What goes up...must come down..."

I got home about 1:30am to find my Nina gone. I worry. Especially after seeing her yesterday. She looked...I wanted to cry. My Nina is very weak. I texted her phone hoping she had it so I could know what was going on, but I never got a text back. I fell asleep (because of exhaustion around 3. I woke up every 15-20 minutes. I couldn't fully sleep/rest not knowing what was going on. At about 7ish this morning Sam came and told me this: "On Friday they told her she needed a blood transfusion...they put it off until Saturday and then again until Monday. Last night she was really weak. I was scared and worried. I called the ambulance and they picked her up. I followed in the car. She had a really low blood pressure and her sodium was really high. They believe there is an obstruction at the surgery site. They put a nasopharyngl tube down to drain all the bile that was sitting in her stomach. It was kinda cool watching it wiz through the tube. *I chimed in with my 2 cents about how cool that stuff is.* They kept the tube in. At first it was painful but now it is tolerable. They gave her a few pints of blood already. She is stable now."

So much is running through my head that my thoughts are unable to fully form and are not coherent. They are all jumbly. I still don't understand why they didn't give her the blood on Friday. Even the doctor in the ER were wondering the same thing. Why wasn't she given blood? But the important thing is that now she has the blood and now she is stable and now she is doing better then she was. The important thing is now.

Is it horrible that I have lost hope? I should clarify. I don't believe my aunt is going to pull through. I believe she as at the last few months of her life. She will not defeat the cancer and live. But, she will defeat the cancer and die. My aunt is strong and stubborn. As horribly as it is tearing her down she is not going to let it bring her spirits down. I don't want to see her suffering anymore. I don't want her to be in pain. I want her to have peace. She has hope. Not hope that she is going to defeat this but hope that she will be pain free. She is looking forward. In this sense I have hope. Hope that a better place is waiting for her. Hope that she will stay strong and not lose faith. Hope.