My Brian

My venture into online dating didn’t last long. A few weeks into it I met a wonderful man named Brian. I met him at our mutual friend’s graduation party. That day I was exhausted. I had had a long week and not much sleep. I also didn’t know anyone who was going to be there. I wasn’t up for a party, but I had told Xochitl I would go and then my aunts kicked me out of the house because I spend too much time with old ladies and not enough time with people my own age. I love my aunts and love spending time with them, but I saw their point. I went early to help her finish setting up and getting ready.
That night I wasn’t shy. I contribute it to the fact that her friend Jen had come early and so I was able to meet her before. We had each other to lean on and talk to. We were having a good time talking and such with Erie. Then Brian came in. I was immediately drawn to him. I felt the need to know him. I felt I had become a different person. I was more outgoing, more talkative to the strangers around me. Every word he spoke every story he told I listened intently. I wanted to know him. I saw how big of a good ball he could be with his Captain Planet bit. I learned how much his sister meant to him through his pain. I learned how much he had been hurt in past relationships. It hurt me knowing how much he hurt. It stirred up the emotions and the pains that I had kept buried inside because I didn’t want to face them. Yet at that moment I wanted to understand and so I had to let go of the wall I had put up.
San Francisco the next day was just as amazing as the night before. I saw how big his heart is for his friends and the people around him. He would do anything for the people in his life. He is sincere in his gestures and expects nothing in return. Selfless he is.
After SF, we texted the whole week. I always had a smile on my face when I saw a text from him. I enjoyed his texts, the pictures of his dinner which looked oh so delicious (many times, better than my own). Then he came down for Xochitls friend’s grad party (which he was late to because he got lost) because he was going to take her home to Visalia (and I was accompanying them). The ride there was entertaining. We got burritos before we left to try some of Brian’s Ghost Chili hot sauce. OMG that was ridiculously crazy insane hot! Brian got a little confused lol. We got into Visalia at 6am. At which point we all went to sleep. Xochitl got up in the middle of sleep to sleep with her dad because she hit her elbow on the floor. Brian and I were left alone in the room. At one point we were both awake and I cuddled into him. We were just talking. It felt so calming. Like it didn’t matter what was going on around us or in our lives because everything was going to be just fine.
The car ride back was amazing, though I was in a small funk. I tried to shake it by having him talk. He told many stories of what he and his friends have done. He talked more about his sister. We danced and sang. We got dinner and ate at the park down the street from my house. We played tic tac toe before we ate, and yep that’s right I won! Lol After we finished eating we went down the slide. I had been extra clumsy that week for some odd reason and that day was no exception. He caught me a few times and kept his arm around me to stabilize me. We were almost to my house and he said, “Wait, I have to do the stretch (he stretched), yawn (he did a fake yawn), and arm over the shoulder (put his arm over my shoulder). Ya that’s how it’s done.” I said, something like aww how sweet haha to which he replied “Are you humoring me?” “Lol ya maybe.”
Our texts didn’t stop during the next week. This time there was a Scott Pilgrim reference lol He could totally take on my ex-boyfriends they got nothing on him :) I was in Fresno this past week for Vanessa’s Bridal Shower and I was going up to Reno after. I was going to stay in Fresno then head up to Reno, but Brian wasn’t having a good week. I felt like he needed a distraction, some company. I suggested I go up and we spend the day together then I could spend the next few days with my dad. Our day together was amazing! We couldn’t stop laughing. Brian is such a dork and I love it! We had lunch at this Mexican place and it was pretty good. Then we went to the movie theater to watch a movie. We decided on Bridesmaids. We had gotten there early so we watched Power Rangers Dino Thunder in his car. After the movie, we didn’t know what to do so he just drove. We stopped at Jamba Juice, he got a Strawberry Surfrider (tastes like a starburst) and I, my favorite Orange Carrot Karma mmmmm dericious in my belly. He mentioned his nephew wanted a Cars toy so we went to Target to see what we could find. We had a mini sword fight in Target, I won of course with my power of distraction lol There was an incident with bug repellant, unfortunately you can’t wear it around your neck like a car freshener. Sorry Brian! He was so excited about it too lol Well, I couldn’t see the coconut M&Ms at the register lol
We decided to watch a movie on Netflix so we went to a parking lot and tethered his phone to my laptop and we watched Revenge of the Nerds. Afterwards, he asked me to be his girlfriend :) and of course I said yes!
Yesterday I was asked why I said yes to Brian. I knew my friend was going to ask this question. He always asks the tough questions. I had thought about it before. Why do I like Brian? Why do I want to be with him? I came up with 7 reasons (there are many more but these were the main ones).
1) I'm learning from him. Learning it is ok to grieve (it may be that I'm at that time where I'm ready).
2) He brings out parts of me that I've always been afraid to show people.
3) I find myself saying things without thinking about it first.
4) He's so sweet and selfless.
5) He puts his family first.
6) The amounts of times we spent together at once there was never a moment where it was dull or felt like the silence needed to be filled.
7) Then there's this feeling that I don't know how to describe.
We still have so much to learn about each other and there will always be more. I’m falling for him hard and fast, and yet I’m not afraid of what’s ahead. I’m excited. I’m on my way to Sacramento as I am writing this(but posted after I get to Reno). I went back home after Sunday because my dad never answered his phone. I’m meeting my cousin in Sacramento to go back with her to Reno. I’m having lunch with my Brian while I wait for her. I’m happy to have less time in between seeing him. (Lunch was amazing! Every time spent with him is wonderful!)

It’s going to be difficult because we don’t live near each other and with his work schedule and me being in Reno, but I know we’ll make it work. We’ll always want to be near each other but it just make our times together much more meaningful and allows us to get to know each other on a different level. You’ll get more updates as time goes on.

Is that Justin Bieber?

So I'm watching America's got Talent, catching up and I see this girl Dani Shay. There is an uncanning resemblance to Justin Bieber. Don't take my word for it check it out for yourselves at this blog

Music Monday (yes on Monday): Martin Solveig - Hello (Official Short Video Version HD)

I heard this one when I was with Brian yesterday :) I think I will be getting a lot of new music from this special guy :)

Enjoy :)

Sometimes life is funny...

So at the beginning of the month I wrote a blog titled "Finding Love" I deleted that post but here I am inserting the beginning of it:

"Everyone has their view of what love is. Most of our views have been influenced by Hollywood. We see these big gestures done by the leading guys and we expect that. We set our goals, our standards to high that we constantly find something wrong with the people we date; or maybe the bar is set to high that no one we date comes close. We start to give up one finding that special guy or girl. We think it’s impossible to find the person who carries all the qualities that we have on our checklist. We think it so impossible that we start to edit our lists. We take out qualities or characteristics that we really want, but since we haven’t met someone we might as well take it off.
However, in doing so we end up settling for what we might find instead of putting effort, time, and patience into play. We live in a fast paced world where we want everything now. If we don’t get it we move on or we compromise. We can have everything on our list, given they are important. An example, spontaneity is nice quality to have, but is it truly important? Someone who has the capability and honesty to constructively criticize to become a better you, I would think is more important quality to keep.
For me, I have found that none of the guys I have dated have had the ability to tell me my faults or let me know when I’m being stupid. Being able to tell someone those things is important. A relationship is for bringing out the best in each other and working together to contribute to the world. If you can’t be honest and tell your partner they are wrong or their faults how can you bring out the best in each other?
I don’t know, maybe that’s just me and how I see a relationship. Sure relationships can make a person happy, but you can’t be happy if you aren’t happy with yourself. You can’t be happy in a relationship if you aren’t happy alone. Relationships aren’t just about being happy.
Well, I don’t go out much. I’m not into the whole night scene. The only place I meet people is in school. Majority of the time they aren’t single. My closest friends are either married or getting married; by the end of the year they will all be married (Besides my 2 closest guy friends."

I met this guy on the 11th. He's pretty amazing! I haven't been this happy....since I can remember. There's this comfortability when I'm with him that is difficult to describe, but I'm sure most of you know what I am talking about. It's an amazing feeling.
I wouldn't have met Brian if I hadn't gone to Xochitl's party, and I wouldn't have gone to Xochitl's party if I wasn't kicked out of the house. I was terribly tired from the week, but I am glad I went. I wouldn't have met such an amazing sweet funny guy.
I'm excited for this new relationship. I really really really like him. I'm falling for him in a few short weeks. We spend hours at a time together an there isn't a dull moment. Every moment spent with him is so wonderful. I don't know when I will see him again, but it will be wonderful! :)

What if....

I'm sitting outside tonight enjoying the nice cool night after a really hot day. I've got my music playing and I see some stars. Life couldn't be any better. But that would be a lie. My life is great. I have wonderful friends in my life who push me when I'm too shy. I have family who really care and do a lot to help me get through this chapter of my life. Now, there's this feeling that is so surreal. It's amazing how one decision can make all the difference.

My life is great, especially when compared to some one else's, but it doesn't mean that it couldn't be better. It could be. Life could be better if those that are no longer in my life were still here. I know it isn't good to think what if's, but I do it anyways. Going through this what if, "What if they were still here?", I wonder if I would know the people that I know. I wonder if I would have met the people that I have. In all honesty, life would be different. As much as we wouldn't want it to change, to just have those people incorporated into our lives now, the truth is that these circumstances shape our decisions whether consciously or unconsciously. Circumstances cause changes all around us. Its a ripple effect.

As much as I would love to have my grandma and Nino here with me, their deaths have led me to where I am today. If my grandma were still here, I know I would not have moved out of Fresno. I wouldn't have met the wonderful friends (Ashley, Krystina, Xochitl, Tino, Steven) that I have made in my time here. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have met Brian, who I only met because of Xochitl. Sometimes things happen, unexpectedly and expectedly, even though we would rather them not, but I think that sometimes the bad, the sad, the ugly, can all turn out to be something good. We grow as a person and we meet people we may have otherwise not have met.

We'll always have our moments where we feel down because we miss them so much that life feels empty and incomplete beause you want to see them, but we'll always have each other to lean on in those moments. We'll have each other to talk to in our moments of need. I'm always here.

Music Monday (on Tuesday): Fountains of Wayne - Someone To Love

Brian played this song on our road trip back from Visalia on Sunday. He was telling me how Demetri Martin was in the video. I told him I had never seen the Video and he found it and posted it on my facebook. I wanted to share it because it's a pretty cool video that now has an awesome memory attached to it :)

It's been a long week...

The whole week I only spent 2 nights at home. I house sat for a few days (M-W) at the beginning of the week. During those two days I had work (babysitting), did a few errands, and researched a little. My days started at 5 and ended when I fell asleep, usually around midnight. Wednesday night I had to do laundry, clean up, and pack for a day. I ended up going to sleep around 2 to wake up at 5 (work before I left for Sac).

I went to Sac on Thursday to visit my dad...

It was my brother Jacob's birthday! He's 16! I feel so old! lol

My sister and my niece :) Savannah is super adorable! Her smile is so cute! She was talking to me and we were laughing and smiling! I wish I could be there more....

Savannah with her cute little glasses :)
My brother Rey graduated yesterday as well. I'm so proud of him!

Here are the siblings and niece :)

And here we all are their mom, my brother Jacob, Karen Anne and her daughter and boyfriend, Rey, my dad, and me :)

So after his graduation we went to eat at In N Out and boy were we all tired! We were like zombies! It was crazy. We went home and everyone else fell asleep but I didn't until about 3 and woke up at about 7. Left sac around noon and got home around 2 just to shower (its disgustingly hot in Sac) and get ready to go to my friends graduation! :) I'm so proud of Ashley and Xochitl and so glad to have made such wonderful friends in them :) Tom and I went and then had Denny's afterwards. My aunt also had her rotator cuff repaired so I hungout with them for a few hours and then headed to bed around 1.

Saturday I slept in until 8! It felt pretty good though I still felt pretty tired. I was hoping for more sleep as Xochitl's graduation party was that night! I knew it was going to be a long day. I also had to figure out a few things for the bridal shower in 2 weeks! It's rapidly approaching and I couldn't be more excited for my best friend! :)

Xochitl's party was pretty awesome :) I met a her friends. Her friend Jennifer and I hit it off pretty well. She's pretty cool and I don't do well with girls lol Then, her friend Brian showed up. We instantly started talking. We talked until like 3 or 4 in the morning. Then on Sunday we went to SF with Xochitl and her family. He's a really cool guy and I'm happy to have met him. :)

Music Monday (On Tuesday): Before you Exit

Before you Exit is an Under 18 "rock/alternative band from Florida" according to their youtube page. Their hair makes me laugh. It's Justin Bieber hair. They are around his age so it makes sense. Anywho enough about their appearance and age this is about the music man, all about the music!
Now they may be young and they may not be your cup of tea but they have talent. Their voices blend well together and seem to support each other in just the right ways. They all play an instrument. They do have some original songs. Check them out here. Hope you like and if not that's cool too. Here is your Music Monday (on Tuesday)