What if....

I'm sitting outside tonight enjoying the nice cool night after a really hot day. I've got my music playing and I see some stars. Life couldn't be any better. But that would be a lie. My life is great. I have wonderful friends in my life who push me when I'm too shy. I have family who really care and do a lot to help me get through this chapter of my life. Now, there's this feeling that is so surreal. It's amazing how one decision can make all the difference.

My life is great, especially when compared to some one else's, but it doesn't mean that it couldn't be better. It could be. Life could be better if those that are no longer in my life were still here. I know it isn't good to think what if's, but I do it anyways. Going through this what if, "What if they were still here?", I wonder if I would know the people that I know. I wonder if I would have met the people that I have. In all honesty, life would be different. As much as we wouldn't want it to change, to just have those people incorporated into our lives now, the truth is that these circumstances shape our decisions whether consciously or unconsciously. Circumstances cause changes all around us. Its a ripple effect.

As much as I would love to have my grandma and Nino here with me, their deaths have led me to where I am today. If my grandma were still here, I know I would not have moved out of Fresno. I wouldn't have met the wonderful friends (Ashley, Krystina, Xochitl, Tino, Steven) that I have made in my time here. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have met Brian, who I only met because of Xochitl. Sometimes things happen, unexpectedly and expectedly, even though we would rather them not, but I think that sometimes the bad, the sad, the ugly, can all turn out to be something good. We grow as a person and we meet people we may have otherwise not have met.

We'll always have our moments where we feel down because we miss them so much that life feels empty and incomplete beause you want to see them, but we'll always have each other to lean on in those moments. We'll have each other to talk to in our moments of need. I'm always here.