Do you see what the writing on the wall says? It says "It is federal law to give up these seats to seniors & people with disabilities."
I absolutely hate hate hate hate when people, usually young able bodied people or fit able bodied people, sit in these seats and see an elderly person or someone who walks with a cane, come on the BART or bus and don't even offer up their seat. It doesn't matter if its federal law, what's important here is respect and common courtesy. I mean seriously how hard is it to walk to the middle of the car or bus and and sit? Seniors and people with disabilities may not be able to.get up fast enough and make the stop, especially on BART. I sincerely hope one day these people are treated the way that they have treated others.
It has been 3 months since Brian and I have been together and it has been the best 3 months :) He is beyond more than I could have asked for! Even though we aren't physically together except for a day or two every so often, I feel closer to him then anyone else I have ever been with. He brings out the person I am. I don't have to hide any part of me. Well since today is Monday, I thought I would share a song. I asked Brian what song reminded him of me. Here is that song it is, "Nerd Grrl" by Mc Chris. Enjoy
I don't know why it happens, but it always does. After an incredible time I get knocked down. It never fails. It's like I'm being punished for having a good time.
Sometimes I hate myself. It's easier than loving myself. I mean what have I accomplished in my 24 years? I had this plan since I could remember and it all came crashing down one year. I had faith in God I had trust in this thing I couldn't see and why? I gave up on it on God. I mean ya I believe in something higher than myself but God? I mean I don't see how someone can have faith and trust in something when all that has been seen and felt is pain? I don't know, maybe I'm not making any sense, or maybe I'm making complete sense; either way, I'm happy for the most part.
I don't have it in me to write anymore right now...maybe later this week. I'll try not to disappear for months from this...I need a picture update yay! :)
Video shared by Brian. New Found Glory is an awesome band :) First heard them my freshmen year in high school from this guy in my class named Matt. Once I took a listen I was hooked lol
Lately, I've been thinking a lot about what has happened in my life up until now. I have to say, most of it sucked. I don’t think I’ve ever really shared the whole story with anyone. I’m still iffy about sharing this, but I think sometimes doing the hard thing is what makes things easier. I'm going to share it in parts. The not so good stuff, the good stuff, and what I've learned from all of it so far. Today we start with the not so good stuff...
I’m going to start from the very beginning. I was born to an alcoholic father and a schizophrenic mother. My grandma and my grandpa took over raising me. I was really close to my grandpa. He would take me to Mcdonald’s almost every morning for breakfast. I remember sitting next to him (he would always sit in his recliner) and we would watch Mexican music videos. I have pictures of my grandpa and I remember him well through those pictures but he passed away in May 1993 a month after I turned 5 years old. I don’t know how I was feeling at that time, but I remember changing. I had been a very outgoing little girl and I loved talking. Afterwards I became a little quiet. I remember being with my cousin Tracy the day of his funeral. She was my favorite person next to my grandpa. I remember sitting in her car with her trying not to cry. I didn’t want to cry (even then I didn’t like crying). She told me that it was ok to cry. That it was ok to miss him. She had tears falling down her face as she was telling me this. I have this other memory of her. I don’t remember how old I was. It might have been sometime after my grandpa passed away but I don’t remember. Anyways, we had gone to this flea market or something or maybe it was the outdoor mall in downtown Fresno. I remember the store we had gone into was kind of underground. Anyways, she bought me this puppy dog that had Velcro on its belly so it could “give birth” to puppies. I loved that toy so much! In August 1993 she died in a car accident. I was 5 years old and had experienced the loss of two people I was really close to. I was so afraid of losing my grandma next that I couldn’t sleep in my own room anymore. I slept with my grandma until I was 13. I would start off in my bed then wake up in the middle of the night from a bad dream and hop into bed with her. I became really close with my grandma. She was like my mom but she did what most grandmas do, spoil their grandkids. I was the most spoiled of them all, it’s because my grandma loved me the best though she would never admit it. I loved the special times my grandma and I would have in the mornings eating oatmeal with sourdough bread. I miss her oatmeal. She would always make me breakfast in the morning and when I came home from school there was always food ready to be eaten. Almost everything she cooked was my favorite. I was a very very picky eater growing up. I have many wonderful memories of my childhood but it is mostly plagued with the bad memories. My mom didn’t like to take her medication and every so often would show up at the house and attempt to harm my grandma. Every time this would happen the police were called. I don’t know how many times the police were called but they were called a lot. One time, my mom came to the house when my grandma wasn’t home and took my brother and me. She took us to this hotel near the fairgrounds. She was so mad at my grandma and I had no idea why. She wouldn’t let me call her. She called my nino and nina. They came to buy us some food. My mom went into the store with my brother and I stayed in the car with my nino. He took me to a store down the street to call my grandma. He told my mom he wanted to take me to get something special. I talked to my grandma and she was so worried about us. I missed her so much I just wanted to go home. My nino said he would take me and he would come back for my brother. This wasn’t just to help my mom out this was a rescue mission. I didn’t want to go without my brother though. I couldn’t leave him alone with my mom I didn’t know what would happen to him. Eventually she came to her senses and she took us back home. I hated my mom from that point on. I couldn’t understand how someone could do that to their child. There was another incident that happened with my mom. She came to the house in one of her episodes and was threatening to kill my grandma. My grandma had retreated to her room. My mom was yelling all kinds of things about my grandma and how much she hated her. I started yelling at my mom for the things she was saying about my grandma. The next thing I knew she was coming at me with the knife. My grandma came in through the hall way and yelled at my mom about what she was doing. My grandma took my hand and led me to her room where we locked the door. I was shaking. My mom was still yelling but I wasn’t paying attention anymore. My grandma and I escaped from the house got into the car and drove to my nino and ninas house. The whole car ride my grandma was trying to explain to me that I shouldn’t hate my mom. She doesn’t know what she is doing. She’s sick and the only way for her to get better was to keep taking her meds. She told me that my mom didn’t think anything was wrong and so wouldn’t take her meds. My grandma was trying to convince me that my mom was a good person. I just couldn’t see it at that time. My dad wasn’t around much. I didn’t know my dad well. I remember one time I went up to visit him and at the end of the week when I was supposed to go home he didn’t want to take me home. He wanted me to stay with him. I didn’t want to stay with him I wanted my grandma. I called my grandma (his mom) and she drove in the middle of the night to Sacramento to pick me up. Boy did my dad get an earful. We stopped at Denny’s to eat and she tried to explain to me that my dad wasn’t bad he just made bad decisions because of his alcohol problem. It was about after the time my mom tried to “kill” me (about 12, maybe 13) that I began to become abusive towards myself. I hated myself. I didn’t like the way I looked. I didn’t like that I couldn’t do the things that I wanted to do. I hated the fact that I didn’t have a mom to talk to about all the girly stuff. I hated that I didn’t have my grandpa or my cousin Tracy. I wanted to be with them so badly. I did many things to myself. I wouldn’t eat for several days, claiming that my stomach hurt and every time I ate I felt like throwing up (this was my way of coping with my body image). I felt like nobody liked me that I was diseased or something. My brother was abusive towards me as well. I started cutting around 14 years old. My nino was diagnosed with stomach cancer and he was wasting away. I didn’t know how to deal with losing another person I was so close to. At the same time my grandma had just finished a round of chemo for breast cancer. I was dealing with 2 of the closest people in my life battling cancer. I didn’t know how to deal. I was numb. I wanted to feel something, anything, and that’s when I began cutting. I didn’t like knives or razors; they made the cut quick and the pain didn’t last as long. I liked safety pins; they were dull and took longer to bleed. Each stroke of the pin sent shivers down my spine. I could feel pain. I never cried. My nino passed away in 2003 and my grandma passed away in 2004. I became super depressed, though I became really good at hiding it. I hated to have people worry about me, I still do. Thoughts of suicide plagued my mind. I thought daily of the different ways that I could take my life so I could be with the ones that I’ve lost. But every time I thought that I might do it, I thought of my Alexis and my brother. Alexis had just lost the person she was closest to, her grandpa. How could I put her through the pain of losing the cousin she was closest to, when it had happened to me? I thought about where I was and how much I couldn’t bear her having to go through the same things that I am going through now. I couldn’t dare to think of what she might do. I didn’t want her to feel the way I was feeling. I graduated from high school and I went off to college in Hayward out of Fresno, like my grandma wanted me to. I miss her every day. I wanted to badly to talk to her. To tell her of my adventures. When I started having friend troubles I just wanted to talk to her and hear her advice. Every I had a boyfriend I wanted to take him to my nino so he could approve. He was who I wanted to walk me down the aisle when I get married. I would cut every now and then. I would go over the scars so that people wouldn’t start to get suspicious. Hayward was mostly cold so I didn’t have to think about what people would think of me wearing sweaters. I haven’t cut in a few years. After my nina passed away last year I did think about it. I had lost yet another person to cancer in just a few short years. Everything was painful. I still didn’t know how to deal with the pain. I was so used to hiding out and covering it all up. I would focus on other people to hide my pain. I became numb again. I hadn’t dealt with the first 2 deaths how could I deal with another? I started to feel numb again. I was alone. I was all alone. I had no one to rely on but myself. I have had 3 boyfriends since my grandma passed away and none of them could understand what I was going through. I'm pretty certain the last 2 cheated on me. The second one lacked communication and comfort, while the last one didn't understand how important my family is to me. Two of the guys I dated were very persistent and stopped seeing me. One was persistent and I stood up for myself. I didn't have the luck in the relationship department and it's probably because no one understood or didn't want to understand. I worry everyday that my aunt Gloria will be the next person I lose too soon. I can’t imagine how it would be without her in my life just yet. She does so much for me and she helps me out with so much. I worry that her death may push me over the edge. Or if my cousin Alexis goes too soon. Her death I know I won’t be able to handle. She is like my little sister. I love her so much. It would hurt too much to go on when she has yet to experience so much. Why am I sharing all this depressing stuff about myself? This is what my life has been filled with, though many people may not realize it or believe it because of the kind of person I am. There is more I can write, the happy memories, the good times, how I have overcame all of this that I have been through, but that will be for another day. I’ve cried the whole time writing this and I’m tired. I don’t know how much insight this gives anyone maybe the next few posts will tell more what people might get out of this. But for now I bid thee adieu
My venture into online dating didn’t last long. A few weeks into it I met a wonderful man named Brian. I met him at our mutual friend’s graduation party. That day I was exhausted. I had had a long week and not much sleep. I also didn’t know anyone who was going to be there. I wasn’t up for a party, but I had told Xochitl I would go and then my aunts kicked me out of the house because I spend too much time with old ladies and not enough time with people my own age. I love my aunts and love spending time with them, but I saw their point. I went early to help her finish setting up and getting ready. That night I wasn’t shy. I contribute it to the fact that her friend Jen had come early and so I was able to meet her before. We had each other to lean on and talk to. We were having a good time talking and such with Erie. Then Brian came in. I was immediately drawn to him. I felt the need to know him. I felt I had become a different person. I was more outgoing, more talkative to the strangers around me. Every word he spoke every story he told I listened intently. I wanted to know him. I saw how big of a good ball he could be with his Captain Planet bit. I learned how much his sister meant to him through his pain. I learned how much he had been hurt in past relationships. It hurt me knowing how much he hurt. It stirred up the emotions and the pains that I had kept buried inside because I didn’t want to face them. Yet at that moment I wanted to understand and so I had to let go of the wall I had put up. San Francisco the next day was just as amazing as the night before. I saw how big his heart is for his friends and the people around him. He would do anything for the people in his life. He is sincere in his gestures and expects nothing in return. Selfless he is. After SF, we texted the whole week. I always had a smile on my face when I saw a text from him. I enjoyed his texts, the pictures of his dinner which looked oh so delicious (many times, better than my own). Then he came down for Xochitls friend’s grad party (which he was late to because he got lost) because he was going to take her home to Visalia (and I was accompanying them). The ride there was entertaining. We got burritos before we left to try some of Brian’s Ghost Chili hot sauce. OMG that was ridiculously crazy insane hot! Brian got a little confused lol. We got into Visalia at 6am. At which point we all went to sleep. Xochitl got up in the middle of sleep to sleep with her dad because she hit her elbow on the floor. Brian and I were left alone in the room. At one point we were both awake and I cuddled into him. We were just talking. It felt so calming. Like it didn’t matter what was going on around us or in our lives because everything was going to be just fine. The car ride back was amazing, though I was in a small funk. I tried to shake it by having him talk. He told many stories of what he and his friends have done. He talked more about his sister. We danced and sang. We got dinner and ate at the park down the street from my house. We played tic tac toe before we ate, and yep that’s right I won! Lol After we finished eating we went down the slide. I had been extra clumsy that week for some odd reason and that day was no exception. He caught me a few times and kept his arm around me to stabilize me. We were almost to my house and he said, “Wait, I have to do the stretch (he stretched), yawn (he did a fake yawn), and arm over the shoulder (put his arm over my shoulder). Ya that’s how it’s done.” I said, something like aww how sweet haha to which he replied “Are you humoring me?” “Lol ya maybe.” Our texts didn’t stop during the next week. This time there was a Scott Pilgrim reference lol He could totally take on my ex-boyfriends they got nothing on him :) I was in Fresno this past week for Vanessa’s Bridal Shower and I was going up to Reno after. I was going to stay in Fresno then head up to Reno, but Brian wasn’t having a good week. I felt like he needed a distraction, some company. I suggested I go up and we spend the day together then I could spend the next few days with my dad. Our day together was amazing! We couldn’t stop laughing. Brian is such a dork and I love it! We had lunch at this Mexican place and it was pretty good. Then we went to the movie theater to watch a movie. We decided on Bridesmaids. We had gotten there early so we watched Power Rangers Dino Thunder in his car. After the movie, we didn’t know what to do so he just drove. We stopped at Jamba Juice, he got a Strawberry Surfrider (tastes like a starburst) and I, my favorite Orange Carrot Karma mmmmm dericious in my belly. He mentioned his nephew wanted a Cars toy so we went to Target to see what we could find. We had a mini sword fight in Target, I won of course with my power of distraction lol There was an incident with bug repellant, unfortunately you can’t wear it around your neck like a car freshener. Sorry Brian! He was so excited about it too lol Well, I couldn’t see the coconut M&Ms at the register lol We decided to watch a movie on Netflix so we went to a parking lot and tethered his phone to my laptop and we watched Revenge of the Nerds. Afterwards, he asked me to be his girlfriend :) and of course I said yes! Yesterday I was asked why I said yes to Brian. I knew my friend was going to ask this question. He always asks the tough questions. I had thought about it before. Why do I like Brian? Why do I want to be with him? I came up with 7 reasons (there are many more but these were the main ones). 1) I'm learning from him. Learning it is ok to grieve (it may be that I'm at that time where I'm ready). 2) He brings out parts of me that I've always been afraid to show people. 3) I find myself saying things without thinking about it first. 4) He's so sweet and selfless. 5) He puts his family first. 6) The amounts of times we spent together at once there was never a moment where it was dull or felt like the silence needed to be filled. 7) Then there's this feeling that I don't know how to describe. We still have so much to learn about each other and there will always be more. I’m falling for him hard and fast, and yet I’m not afraid of what’s ahead. I’m excited. I’m on my way to Sacramento as I am writing this(but posted after I get to Reno). I went back home after Sunday because my dad never answered his phone. I’m meeting my cousin in Sacramento to go back with her to Reno. I’m having lunch with my Brian while I wait for her. I’m happy to have less time in between seeing him. (Lunch was amazing! Every time spent with him is wonderful!) It’s going to be difficult because we don’t live near each other and with his work schedule and me being in Reno, but I know we’ll make it work. We’ll always want to be near each other but it just make our times together much more meaningful and allows us to get to know each other on a different level. You’ll get more updates as time goes on.
So I'm watching America's got Talent, catching up and I see this girl Dani Shay. There is an uncanning resemblance to Justin Bieber. Don't take my word for it check it out for yourselves at this blog
So at the beginning of the month I wrote a blog titled "Finding Love" I deleted that post but here I am inserting the beginning of it:
"Everyone has their view of what love is. Most of our views have been influenced by Hollywood. We see these big gestures done by the leading guys and we expect that. We set our goals, our standards to high that we constantly find something wrong with the people we date; or maybe the bar is set to high that no one we date comes close. We start to give up one finding that special guy or girl. We think it’s impossible to find the person who carries all the qualities that we have on our checklist. We think it so impossible that we start to edit our lists. We take out qualities or characteristics that we really want, but since we haven’t met someone we might as well take it off. However, in doing so we end up settling for what we might find instead of putting effort, time, and patience into play. We live in a fast paced world where we want everything now. If we don’t get it we move on or we compromise. We can have everything on our list, given they are important. An example, spontaneity is nice quality to have, but is it truly important? Someone who has the capability and honesty to constructively criticize to become a better you, I would think is more important quality to keep. For me, I have found that none of the guys I have dated have had the ability to tell me my faults or let me know when I’m being stupid. Being able to tell someone those things is important. A relationship is for bringing out the best in each other and working together to contribute to the world. If you can’t be honest and tell your partner they are wrong or their faults how can you bring out the best in each other? I don’t know, maybe that’s just me and how I see a relationship. Sure relationships can make a person happy, but you can’t be happy if you aren’t happy with yourself. You can’t be happy in a relationship if you aren’t happy alone. Relationships aren’t just about being happy. Well, I don’t go out much. I’m not into the whole night scene. The only place I meet people is in school. Majority of the time they aren’t single. My closest friends are either married or getting married; by the end of the year they will all be married (Besides my 2 closest guy friends."
I met this guy on the 11th. He's pretty amazing! I haven't been this happy....since I can remember. There's this comfortability when I'm with him that is difficult to describe, but I'm sure most of you know what I am talking about. It's an amazing feeling. I wouldn't have met Brian if I hadn't gone to Xochitl's party, and I wouldn't have gone to Xochitl's party if I wasn't kicked out of the house. I was terribly tired from the week, but I am glad I went. I wouldn't have met such an amazing sweet funny guy. I'm excited for this new relationship. I really really really like him. I'm falling for him in a few short weeks. We spend hours at a time together an there isn't a dull moment. Every moment spent with him is so wonderful. I don't know when I will see him again, but it will be wonderful! :)
I'm sitting outside tonight enjoying the nice cool night after a really hot day. I've got my music playing and I see some stars. Life couldn't be any better. But that would be a lie. My life is great. I have wonderful friends in my life who push me when I'm too shy. I have family who really care and do a lot to help me get through this chapter of my life. Now, there's this feeling that is so surreal. It's amazing how one decision can make all the difference.
My life is great, especially when compared to some one else's, but it doesn't mean that it couldn't be better. It could be. Life could be better if those that are no longer in my life were still here. I know it isn't good to think what if's, but I do it anyways. Going through this what if, "What if they were still here?", I wonder if I would know the people that I know. I wonder if I would have met the people that I have. In all honesty, life would be different. As much as we wouldn't want it to change, to just have those people incorporated into our lives now, the truth is that these circumstances shape our decisions whether consciously or unconsciously. Circumstances cause changes all around us. Its a ripple effect.
As much as I would love to have my grandma and Nino here with me, their deaths have led me to where I am today. If my grandma were still here, I know I would not have moved out of Fresno. I wouldn't have met the wonderful friends (Ashley, Krystina, Xochitl, Tino, Steven) that I have made in my time here. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have met Brian, who I only met because of Xochitl. Sometimes things happen, unexpectedly and expectedly, even though we would rather them not, but I think that sometimes the bad, the sad, the ugly, can all turn out to be something good. We grow as a person and we meet people we may have otherwise not have met.
We'll always have our moments where we feel down because we miss them so much that life feels empty and incomplete beause you want to see them, but we'll always have each other to lean on in those moments. We'll have each other to talk to in our moments of need. I'm always here.
Brian played this song on our road trip back from Visalia on Sunday. He was telling me how Demetri Martin was in the video. I told him I had never seen the Video and he found it and posted it on my facebook. I wanted to share it because it's a pretty cool video that now has an awesome memory attached to it :)
The whole week I only spent 2 nights at home. I house sat for a few days (M-W) at the beginning of the week. During those two days I had work (babysitting), did a few errands, and researched a little. My days started at 5 and ended when I fell asleep, usually around midnight. Wednesday night I had to do laundry, clean up, and pack for a day. I ended up going to sleep around 2 to wake up at 5 (work before I left for Sac).
I went to Sac on Thursday to visit my dad... It was my brother Jacob's birthday! He's 16! I feel so old! lol My sister and my niece :) Savannah is super adorable! Her smile is so cute! She was talking to me and we were laughing and smiling! I wish I could be there more.... Savannah with her cute little glasses :) My brother Rey graduated yesterday as well. I'm so proud of him! Here are the siblings and niece :) And here we all are their mom, my brother Jacob, Karen Anne and her daughter and boyfriend, Rey, my dad, and me :)
So after his graduation we went to eat at In N Out and boy were we all tired! We were like zombies! It was crazy. We went home and everyone else fell asleep but I didn't until about 3 and woke up at about 7. Left sac around noon and got home around 2 just to shower (its disgustingly hot in Sac) and get ready to go to my friends graduation! :) I'm so proud of Ashley and Xochitl and so glad to have made such wonderful friends in them :) Tom and I went and then had Denny's afterwards. My aunt also had her rotator cuff repaired so I hungout with them for a few hours and then headed to bed around 1.
Saturday I slept in until 8! It felt pretty good though I still felt pretty tired. I was hoping for more sleep as Xochitl's graduation party was that night! I knew it was going to be a long day. I also had to figure out a few things for the bridal shower in 2 weeks! It's rapidly approaching and I couldn't be more excited for my best friend! :)
Xochitl's party was pretty awesome :) I met a her friends. Her friend Jennifer and I hit it off pretty well. She's pretty cool and I don't do well with girls lol Then, her friend Brian showed up. We instantly started talking. We talked until like 3 or 4 in the morning. Then on Sunday we went to SF with Xochitl and her family. He's a really cool guy and I'm happy to have met him. :)
Before you Exit is an Under 18 "rock/alternative band from Florida" according to their youtube page. Their hair makes me laugh. It's Justin Bieber hair. They are around his age so it makes sense. Anywho enough about their appearance and age this is about the music man, all about the music! Now they may be young and they may not be your cup of tea but they have talent. Their voices blend well together and seem to support each other in just the right ways. They all play an instrument. They do have some original songs. Check them out here. Hope you like and if not that's cool too. Here is your Music Monday (on Tuesday)
Alright Music Monday is coming back. My haitus is over. I've been...busy? and have forgotten about Music Monday but here we are the start of a new week of a new era enjoy this video. I'm not a huge fan of Adele, but I do like this song. Here is Mike Tompkins singing it Acappella style what now! lol Enjoy :)
Ok, so I know...I'm 2 weeks behind. I've been slightly busy looking for a job dealing with personal problems and I just felt so overwhelmed that I just didn't feel like searching for a music video. Today I still don't feel like it. I'm tired lol
The song I have been playing over and over and over again is "Thank you for the broken heart" by JRice. It's a great song. However, since I've already shared that song and I have yet to share an original Joseph vincent song I shall do that and spare my one reader (maybe 2) from hearing me complain lol
This is "If you stay" by Joseph Vincent.... ya I'll just leave ya'll with the song lol enjoy as much as I do :)
ya i know. i've already talked about it with (I named 4 people). thanks though.
Her reply
whatever
*i admit it ticked me off a little i don't see why she would say that i was appreciative of the offer but i've already talked about it. I didn’t need to talk about it anymore. I was at that point of digesting.*
My reply
wow. whatever? real mature. so basically i had to tell you what was going on even if i didn't want to just so you could be happy? i said thanks because i appreciated the offer but i don't need to talk. and if i did need to talk why would you be the person that pops in my head to talk to when you haven't talked to me in i don't know how long because of something i said because we had said if someone said something about the other we would tell each other? i'm not getting mad or anyhing just searching for clarification.
Her reply
Because I am here reaching out my offer to listen to u! offer unsolicated advice....after how u treated me! i stopped talking to u cuz of the hurtful things u said! you know i try to be a good friend and always there but u just push people away! just like how u used (insert ex name) and pushed him away. treated us the same!
yet....i am coming back in hopes u feel better! people neeed to vent but whatever if u dont want to talk ok! fine dont but the offer is still out there....
not going to make me happy if u talk to me or not. wont effect me . again whatever! ur welcome and the offer still out there
*I say it really did affect her. I mean why else would she be all mad and everything for not saying anything? My friend said gossipers are the ones who get mad. They want to know information just for the sake of knowing. Also, why would she bring up my ex? What does that have to do with her? I sent her the following message. I had to wait a bit for me to stop my internal laughter and amazement so that I didn’t say something in a way that would mean something that I didn’t want to say. *
My reply:
yes i figured it was to offer an opportunity to vent but i had already said that i didn't need to but thanks. so the whatever was unnecessary. a simple ok well here if you change your mind or something seems to be sufficient enough don't you think?
and me use (insert ex name here)? is that what he told you? is that what you see? i would never use greg. i love him too much to use him. but hey thats what you see that's your opinion.
me push people away? i know what i need when i go through different situations and i seek it out and talk to the friends who have that skill set who have what i need.
it seems that sometimes you don't grasp that concept. I feel like I am always repeating myself in this. (Insert friend name) doesn't tell me everything. (Insert friend #2 name) doesn't tell me everything. (insert friend #3 name) doesn't even tell me everything. We each have that person we count on most. We each have that person that we want to go to when things get rough and no one else would suffice. I am sure you have that person too. Would you like me to keep asking and keep pushing for you to talk to me when you don't want to or would rather not? Maybe you don't mind. Maybe you will talk to whomever to vent. but some people are more private.
I appreciate your offers, I always have. You said you are trying to be a good friend. A good friend doesn't say whatever. A good friend doesn't get mad when someone won't tell them something especially after showing their appreciation for the offer.
What I said may have been hurtful, the way I said it may not have been the best way to say it. And I apologize, but I can't take back what I said. I tell people how it is. I tell people what they need to work on. Every time I tell you something that is what you do. You get mad and you don't talk to me for months. I don't push or talk to you until you're ready to talk to me. You may be thinking no I don't. But there have been several times.
I'm sorry you think what you think about me and for how I said what I said (if I haven't said it), but I'm not going to change that about me. I'm not going to vent just for the sake of venting because that's not what I do. I talk through my problems with people who have gone through similar situations or can relate. I talk to different people at different stages of my situations. Sometimes I don't even talk to anyone. Sometimes I need spiritual guidance. Sometimes I just need to sit in silence. I'm a private person.
*She didn't respond back...it's been 2 days. I don't think she will respond back. Honestly, I could care less if she did. I just hope she understands what it means to be a friend to someone. I don't think she ever really wanted to be my friend. I think the reason she always brought up my ex even when he and I were together is because she wants him. I have told him this even when we were together. I think he enjoys that and that's why he "keeps" her around. I don't know though, this is all speculation, but it all fits.*
Found this guy He does pretty good covers. I like his cover of "Mad World". I remember Adam Lambert do it on American Idol and this version I like a lot. This guy is from Hawaii originally, and he has the surfer look. He's not too bad of a singer. Some days I like him a lot, other days it's just a'right. Today it's a good day for him and I lol. This is an original song called "Beauty isn't everything".
I got back from Reno yesterday. It was a nice little vacation. I kind of needed it. I loved spending time with the little ones. They really make me happy. It always makes me wonder when my time will be, if it will even ever happen. I'm not where I wanted to be at my age. I'm going to be 24 on Friday and what do I have to show for it? Just my love for people and the heart I have for children, but nothing really for myself. Yes, I'm being a bit selfish but I'm never selfish. I wanted to be engaged or married by now. Everyone around me is getting married, everyone around me is having babies, and me, well neither is in the near future for me. Oh well such is life right?
I'm very happy for my friends I really am. Both women are such amazing friends. I couldn't ask for better friends. They have really been an encouragement in so many different ways. I love them very much and am blessed and lucky to call them my friends. They both will make beautiful brides and their day will be amazing and special, everything that they wanted it to be. They deserve it. That's how amazing they are :)
So I heard/found this guy around the time I discovered Joseph Vincent and Jason Chen. I really like one of his covers, I can't remember which one now...lol So this isn't the music I typically listen to but I like his voice. It isn't a perfect voice. He has some missteps,but honestly no one can be perfect. That's probably why I like him. Though, as I am listening to is "Forget You Cover" I remember what it is that I didn't like about him; he does a lot of runs. When I say a lot, I mean A LOT! surprinsingly this song doesn't have too many runs, or if it did it's very subtle. I like that. So, this is an original song by J Rice called "Thank you for the broken heart" ENJOY :)
Ok so I just remembered the real video I wanted to share lol So, this is one of the first songs I heard from him. I was very surprised. Why? Well, maybe I should just let you see it first :)
Did you figure it out? Yes it is a White boy singing in Chinese! lol He has a full version of it in Chinese on his Youtube page, Check it out! I think its pretty awesome that he was willing to learn chinese for a song. It shows that he's willing to appreciate all kinds of music of different languages and cultures to show his fans appreciation and such. It's just pretty cool. :) and yes he plays TRUMPET! lol
I am a fan of Plain White T's. Their music, their lyrics, everything to me is soothing and really tells a story. It's rare when artists lyrics really speak to me and reach me deeper than the surface. My favorite songs are the ones where its mostly acoustic. I love just guitar and a voice. It's more real than adding all that other stuff to it. I'm all about the music man. :)
"Hey there Delilah" was probably the first time I heard Plain White T's. That song, the music, is amazing. Mostly guitar and Tom Higgenson. His voice his velvety goodness. Here is a cover of that song that took me forever to find a decent one. This one is one of the better ones I found. There just isn't a good cover for me that does what the original does for me...but this one comes close (?)
The next song that I really like is "1, 2, 3, 4". It's a simple song just like "Hey there Delilah" and carries so much meaning. Again mostly acoustic and a velvety voice lol Here is Sean Murphy and his version. (I may feature him next week with one of his original songs)
And finally (Oh wow I'm doing three songs I hope I don't freak out!), their newest song "Rhythm of Love" has got me melting. Melting I tell you! The rhythm of that song is so catchy and smooth. The cover version I'm going to share is how I sing it when I'm in the shower or in the kitchen baking or cooking or even just listening to the song and singing along. This is Joseph Vincent (I love his voice!) and Clara Chung singing "Rhythm of Love". They were having fun while recording this and its still pretty fun :)
So I had a Music Monday all set and ready, but I decided I'll save it for next Monday. This Monday I will be sharing one of the best experiences ever!
This past Saturday I went to my second Flogging Molly show! They are amazing! I had an awesome time with some pretty awesome friends :)
So, today I will be sharing 3 videos. One of each of the openers (these videos won't be live from the concert) and one of Flogging Molly (from the show, but not taken by me).
So the first opening was a band called The Drowning Men. They are from San Diego. I remember liking them but nothing really stuck out to share lol So here's the video of "More than this"
The next band was Moneybrother. There was a pretty awesome sax player in it! The first one is from a previous city of the tour this year (its only like half the song but you see the sax player! lol Oh the song is "Born under a bad sign"
The next one is the Video of the same song.
Flogging Molly was amazing! Lol I think however, that the first time I saw them was a little bit more fun. I'm not sure why, may be the difference in the amount of people. I mean I had a good time despite the ex doing something before it that ticked me off. lol
So the first video is from that first time in 2009! :) "Seven Deadly sins"!
This is from Saturday! :) "Drunken lullabies" :)
Hope you enjoyed! I need more friends who love going to concerts as much as I do! :)
I've heard these guys before. Don't remember when or where, but I was reminded of them from last week's episode of One Tree Hill. That's really all I have to say about this right now. I gotta get back to studying. I hope you enjoy!
This hasn't been a very good week, or past few weeks. Everything finally just burst yesterday. Everything I bottled up came out. I told people just how I was feeling because they asked, because they would rather ask questions then to just leave things alone. He's a jerk why do I want to talk to him? So I, when he asked why, gave him everything. Then he goes and tells people he isn't like that and doesn't think that he does it enough to be categorized as such. But just because you don't do something enough doesn't mean you aren't that. Also, it's context. Everyone is those things that I called him, but obviously he's still a surface person, and there is more to it. I don't call anyone those things. I didn't tell him why he was all of those things. Why should it matter now when it didn't matter when he said what he said then didn't do it? Yes, I'm being vague because it isn't anyone's business to know what I tell him, or what he told me, but he thinks it's ok to tell everyone that what I said about him so I look like the bad guy? He's a jerk, a liar, and selfish, but whatever. I guess people never change. I did apologize, not for what I said but for how I said it. I held it all in among with other emotions that it just came out. I know I could have said it better, because I always say things in a better sort of way to where it isn't mean or judgmental.
I also burst out at one of my best guy friends. It felt like he was ignoring me this weekend. He always does what he says he's going to do, but didn't do it this week. Last night, he wanted to talk and I needed sleep. I was pissed. It felt like he wanted to talk only when it worked for him. Its been feeling like that with several different people, but for him to do it really hurt me. I told him so, and so of course I didn't sleep much last night. I can't go to sleep angry, so we talked for a bit and straightened things out. Sometimes it feels like we are in a relationship, but we are just in a friendship lol
And through it all, Nicky's been a pretty awesome friend :) He makes me laugh and can distract my mind. I find I talk about him a lot with other people lol as well as the rest of my wonderful friends! I am noticing there are only a handful, of people that I am really close to and another handful that I can really truly call friends. And you know, that is enough for me. I don't need a lot of friends. It isn't the quantity of friends that matter, it's the quality, and my friends? Well, they are the best. I love you guys :)
Along with Nicky and the rest of my awesome friends, the patients I have been working with also put a smile on my face, but that's for another day :)
This song I am sharing, I had forgotten about I heard this awhile ago...sometime last year. My friend sent me an IM telling me that he was learning a new song on piano and that I should recognize it. He called himself an emo little girl (or maybe I called him that). Either way, I looked up the song so I can hear it and see if I would recognize it and well, ya I did. Lol I like listening to my friend play piano, he thinks he's not that good nd that he has a lot of practice to do to be excellent, but he's actually pretty good mess ups and all, just don't tell him I'm being nice lol :)
Well, here is the song. Christina Perri "Jar of Hearts" (I could probably say I can relate to the song but then I'll go into a whole schpeel about it so, I won't lol)
This music Monday I was unsure what song to showcase. I haven't had time to search for it. I was showing my cousin one of the Justin Bieber covers (Shes a Bieber fan, unfortunately, but she's 6 so I'll let her do it) and I saw this song.
Chris Medina was a contestant on American Idol. He was cut while they were picking the top 24. When Chris first auditioned it was really good. His story is very touching. 2 months before he was supposed to marry his fiance she was in a horrible accident that left her partially paralyzed with multiple traumatic brain injuries in 2009. He never left her side. He is still by her side taking care of her and encouraging her.
The following video is a song that was written just for Chris Medina by Rodney Jenkins. This song was written around the words that Chris had said on the show, " What kind of man would I be if I were to leave her when she needed me most?" It's a touching song and portrays the journey that they have gone through. Enjoy the song!
So I was having difficulty choosing what song to do for today’s Music Monday. I wanted to showcase Joseph Vincent or Jason Chen’s original songs, but my friend changed my mind. She was wondering what the infatuation with Justin Bieber was. I told her I had no idea and that the world may never know. What I do know is, though, that there are some really good covers of his songs and I shared them with her. I decided, that many people are aware of Justin Bieber and are probably not fans and wondering why he’s so amazing! (I just had a thought, I wonder if when I was the little teenyboppers age and NSYNC and BSB came out if people were wondering the same thing that we are with Justin Bieber. I think its just something that happens in each generation.)
Anyways, slightly off the road of what I wanted to say is that, today’s Music Monday is dedicated to Justin Bieber * screaming girls everywhere* Sorry girls no not the real Justin Bieber just some amazing covers! I’m going to share 4 covers that I shared with my friend.
*This first one is an Acappela version by Shane Stevers. It is a medley of songs that include “One Time”, “Eenie Meenie”, and “Baby”. I love acappella music. It is the essence of true singers and really showcases just how talented they are. Enjoy!
*This next one of course is by Glee! It is “Somebody to Love” by The Justin Bieber Experience (Artie, Puck, Mike Cheng, and Sam). Glee has taken songs that I cannot stand and as turned me into a fan. However, with this infatuation of Justin Bieber covers, Glee cannot take credit for.
*This third one is by a guy I found while searching for this one artist that I cannot find. This is an acoustic version. I love acoustic! It’s another that shows just how talented a singer is. Not to mention the guitar makes me swoon! *sigh* Oh Ya, his name is Tyler Ward and he is singing “Baby” with “Beautiful Girls” by Sean Kingston thrown in at the end. Enoy!
*This last one. I found this one after I sent her the 4covers (yes one cover isn’t on). How I found this was on the sidebar while listening to the one that isn’t included (I’ll mention it later). I listened to this and well, I don’t want to set the stage up for failure so just take a listen and form your own opinion! This is “Baby” as sung by Legaci ft Cathy Nguyen and Traphix. Enjoy!
Oh some interesting information I learn about Legaci. They are from the bay area and they were also the backup singers for Justin Bieber on his tour. So I mentioned earlier that one of the songs didn’t make the cut. I debated whether to showcase it and I decided against it. It is Justin Chen ft Megan. I felt that the ones I haven’t mentioned in my one blog should be, and I liked their covers better. His are good though. Youtube “Somebody to Love” and “Never say Never” by Justin Chen. I hope you guys enjoyed this Music Monday!
I have decided to start something that will keep up to date on posting on this, I tend not to if I don't have anything to share. Well, Starting today I will have a Music Monday. Every Monday I will post a video sharing a song that I like. It may mean something to me or I might just like their voices. They will probably mostly be covers but every once in a while there will be recognizable artists. Until then enjoy today's choice.
The song Just a dream cover/remix originally by Nelly covered by Joseph Vincent and Jason Chen
So, I was supposed to be studying today, but music just seemed more soothing that I listened and looked for music. I really like these guys. They have really good voices and its such a refresher from listening to these on the radio. There was another video I wanted to share but I don't remember the name of the song lol maybe another day I will find it. They changed the words a bit and I will include it in the end.
These songs are songs that I wouldn't normally listen to. I tend to like covers better when it comes to the artists who write the songs. One day I will meet a guy and unbeknowest to me he will have an amazing voice and/or can play piano. 2 of my favorite things that would be amazing, but we can't have everything that we want. I will keep these as pluses but what's most important is who they are and what they stand for. These next few sentences are what I wrote for myself last night while I was venting to my journal lol
It kind of explains the kind of person that I am looking for for myself. The qualities that matter most with the usual (you know funny, nice, romantic, gentleman, etc lol) "you can always run to, that one person you can talk to where you aren’t afraid to say what’s on your mind, an advice giver, a listener, a guinea pig, someone you share the same interests with you, yet have very different views and makes you think and validate why you see things and believe the way you do, someone who makes you a better you."
One day this man will enter my life if he hasn't already, and if he has one day it will be revealed to us. Until that day I will keep my focus on what matters in the here and now, my family, my friends, and my school :)
Oh and I'm super excited for 2 of my closest friends who will be married soon! Ashley and Brian in Oct and Vanessa and Tyler to be determined. :) I love you guys!
Verse 1 Let me tell you about a girl who changed my world I don't know just how she's doin' that she's on my mind, she's takin' my time I'm loosin' my way but now she's bringin' me back
She's my Ipod, I got her on REPLAY I LOVE THE WAY SHE LIES and she's making me wanna say the DJ GOT US FALLIN' IN LOVE We like DYNAMITE, and I just can't get enough
Pre Chorus What goes up must come down now baby your not around I'm layin' all alone in the middle of the night
Verse 2 Let me tell you 'bout a girl who changed my life She's a triple threat and she's just my type Voice of a goddess, can dance to this flow, she be turnin' heads everywhere that she goes
She's my Ipod, I got her on REPLAY I LOVE THE WAY SHE LIES and she's making me wanna say the DJ GOT US FALLIN' IN LOVE We like DYNAMITE, and I just can't get enough
Pre Chorus What goes up must come down now baby your not around I'm layin' all alone in the middle of the night
