Will it ever get better?

I had another dream about her last night. I keep having dreams about her. Maybe that's wh I haven't been sleeping. I don't want to ave dreams of her I wake up feeling...lost. I miss her so much; I hate not having her here n this world anymore. In this I couldn't get to her to help her. I was left on the outside to watch her suffer, to be in pain. I can't take it anymore.

For some reason this year is so much harder; I can only imagine how 2014 will be like when it will have been 10 years. It's been 9 years since my Nino passed...maybe that's why it is so much harder. I find myself on the verge of tears more often than not. Any and every little thing triggers the tears.

I sometimes wish I could just cut myself off from the rest of the world. Come out only when necessary. Other times I just want to slice into myself to feel real pain, not emotional pain. And yet other times I know how ridiculous I am, but its easier being ridiculous than it is being true.

They say it gets easier with time...I guess eventually it will. Until then we'll see what happens...