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Up and up....it is probably at the moment my favorite Relient K song. This song is on the Five Score and Seven Years Ago album. Great band. But this entry isn't about the band. No, it's about the song.

Throughout my whole entire life I've dealt with many difficult things; from having a schizophrenic mother to losing several people to death. My life it seems has been filled with bad news, especially at a time I wouldn't want it. This past weekend I found out that my aunt has cancer once again. The prognosis is not good, even with chemo. "Yesterday, is not quite what it could've been, as were most of all the days before." Sure I've had good memories with all the people who have left this world, but we always want more time with them. To us, our time should never be up. God has other plans. He wants us back home, and so even though I may be going through a tough time and struggling. "But I swear today with every breath I'm breathing in I'll be trying to make it so much more" I'm gonna live my life. I'm going to make the best of my situation. Who knows, maybe one day I'll be able to use my experiences to help someone who has to face similiar struggles that I have had throughout my life. I know my life isn't the worst it could be, but to me it has been. "Cause it seems I get so hung up on The history of what's gone wrong And the hope of a new day is sometimes hard to see" We all do it. We all dwell on everything bad that has happened to us. Why? I think its because we think we deserve better. WE want things to go the way we want them. But the truth is it never does. EVER. No matter how much we want them to. I struggle with this a lot. Isaiah 55:8 says "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD" We don't know what God has planned for us. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Its amazing how such simple verses, declarations can mean so much and offer so much encouragement. "And though I'm finally catching onto it and now the past is just a conduit and the light there at the end is where I'll be" Sure I'm struggling now and I'm in pain, but these struggles will help me grow, as a person and closer to God. The thing is I need to be willing to allow it to change me. I need to be willing to grasp the change. I need to be willing to grow closer to God. Which is a struggle (I'll save that for another entry). "To be prosperous would not require much of me you see contentment is the one thing it entails" Prosperous. I'm sure everyone has their own definition. (What's yours?) This line is probably my favorite in the song. Really contentment is what makes one prosperous. Sure you can have a lot of money, a great business, and a wonderful famly, but if you always want more are you prosperous? I think contentment is another thing people don't have. That is why we are always searching for more, searching for bigger and greater things. "To be content with where I am and getting where I need to be I'm moving past the past where I have failed" But once we become content with our lives and accept everything going on in our lives, everything seems to get better in a sense. Sure you still see struggles and hard times, but if you embrace them they become bearable they becoming welcoming learning experience and we prosper, in growth. Moving past the past is what we need to do and live in the now. I think better look at your past, review it. Chances are you'll see a learning experience or see something that helped shaped you into the person you are today. I know its that way with me. More and more I dwell on it the more and more I see it. The more and more I can move past it. Just don't spend too much time dwelling on the past. It's the now we need to be living in. "You never cease to supply me with what I need for a good life so when I'm down I'll hold my head up high cause you're the reason why" Looking into my past I see God in places I though I was all alone. God has watched over me my whole entire life. And yet I can't seem to embrace him (again I'll talk about this in another entry). He is the reason why I am where I am today. He is the reason why I'm the person I am today. The people He has placed into my lives to show me His love I see everywhere dispersed into my life. Even though I sometimes deny Him, he has and always be there for me.

Through this tough time again I see people who have been strategically placed in my life. I see that God has also placed me into the lives of my cousin and because of the closeness I have with them I will be able to be a source of light and comfort for them during this time. God is everywhere even if we don't want him to be. He is watching out for all of us. His love for us is tremendous and we can see it in our everyday lives. Brighten someones day by smiling and saying hello, or holding a door open and telling them to have a wonderful day. It not only brightens their day but yours as well.

Here is the song in its full:

"Up And Up"

Yesterday
Is not quite what it could've been
As were most of all the days before
But I swear today
With every breath I'm breathing in
I'll be trying to make it so much more

Cause it seems I get so hung up on
The history of what's gone wrong
And the hope of a new day
Is sometimes hard to see (what you see)
And though I'm finally catching onto it
And now the past is just a conduit
And the light there at the end is
Where I'll be

Cause I'm on the up and up
I'm on the up and up
And I haven't given up
Given up on what
I know I'm capable of
And I'm on the up and up
I'm on the up and up
Yeah there's nothing left to prove
Cause I'm just trying to be
A better version of me
For you
A better version of me
For you

To be prosperous
Would not require much of me
You see contentment is the one thing
It entails
To be content with where I am
And getting where I need to be
I'm moving past the past
Where I have failed

But I'm finally catching onto it
And now the past is just a conduit
Right there at the end
Is where I'll be
Oh

Cause I'm on the up and up
I'm on the up and up
And I haven't given up
Given up on what
What I've gained from love
And I'm on the up and up
I'm on the up and up
Yeah there's nothing left to prove
Cause I'm just trying to be
A better version of me
For you
A better version of me
For you

You never cease
To supply me with
What I need
For a good life
So when I'm down
I'll hold my head up high
Cause you're the reason why

I'm on the up and up
I'm on the up and up
And I haven't given up
Given up on what
What I've gained from love
And I'm on the up and up
I'm on the up and up
Yeah there's nothing left to prove
Cause I'm just trying to be
A better version of me
For you
(Trying to be a better version of me for you)
Oh