There are worst things in this world...

People deal with situations and problems and changes in different ways. The way I deal is probably not how most people do, but then again maybe it is. Some people don't like to show their weaknesses and so they keep everything hidden. That's not why I keep it hidden. I like to be strong for people. I'm the type of person who no matter what I am going through I will put my problems aside and help you out. It helps me forget about my problems. it pushes them down further as i think about ways to help my friends out. It's a coping mechanism of mine. once it becomes too much, I push some people away. I become withdrawn and isolated. I think things through on my own through this time. I try to get to the root of things.

One of my friends is worried because I am doing this alone. My response to that person is that I believe its difficult to go through things alone, however, it is always beneficial to have your thoughts in order and to take time to yourself to kind of make a sort of game plan. I need to know myself what exactly it is that is bothering me before I talk to somebody otherwise I end up either 1) confusing myself and others or 2) what they say to me I make it my own just because I don't want to think about what is the root or really is the problem. I honestly believe that people should take the time to kind of sort through everything before they go to others. Others can't help you unless you help yourself first. You have to help yourself and want the help before seeking it from others.

No one really knows what I go through. They can only speculate. I am really good at hiding things. At keeping what I don't want others to see hidden from them. Only when it's gone on too long that everyone catches a glimpse, but even then the extent of my suffering, the extent of my stress is no where seen. I don't like to burden everyone with my problems and for that reason a few bear witness to the real me. The one who is going through a tough time and doesn't know how to handle certain situations, but at the same time I have no doubt that I am going to pull through this. I know I am going to. It won't take long. I know what I need to do and I know what I want. I'm still very optimistic.

I'm sure some people wonder how I can be so happy and go lucky when all this stuff with my family is going on. The probably think it weird, but I know there are worse things out there that are happening. I always think about those things that are happening (I also wish there was something I could do to help, which probably drives me in school). That is why I am NEVER sad or seek sympathy or attention or announce to FB about bad experiences or complain about my life. These things don't need to be announced to the whole world (which seems what I'm doing now but in actuality this is just for me and friends who want to keep updated on how I am doing. I am a woman of words not of speech).

There are people out there whose lives are so much worse then mine in terms of what they are going through. Some are devastated by natural disasters, while others are inflicted with some terrible disease living in poverty. Children left without parents forced to grow up at an early age. I know in all reality my life is excellent. It is the best life anyone could probably ask for. There are situations and events that have occurred and are occurring that I would rather not deal with but I am not a complainer or an attention seeker. My life is what it is. I go through these situations to grow as a person. They help me realize how precious life is. How important relationships are with family and with friends. It teaches me to be selfless and think about the needs of others. It also puts into perspective of what is important in life. It is important for me to know all of this and to keep those close. When I have children these are lessons I want to share with my kids to show them and teach them about life.

At the end of all of this I'm only a stronger person, a better person, a more loving person, who now has the experience to help others who might be going through similar situations and who don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. There is a light. We just have to keep holding on....